Fauntie?

Exactly one week ago my friend gave birth to just the cutest, most want-to-squeezable little guy! Once again I'm so excited to see once of my friends, whom I've always loved and admired, become a mother.  Once again I'm so excited to watch this woman I've always adored, grow a kid I know I'll also adore. Its such an emotional and profound time - having your buddies become moms. (and really great moms, at that!)

I'm about to go and cook something for her as she rests and grows this little human. I've chosen a version of these chewy granola bars (I figured they are nutrient packed and can be frozen individually and they might be a nice change up from all the dinners she's been getting)

While I head off to the kitchen, here's some food for thought. In all the joy over the new birth, I still don't know what to call myself... is there a name for this? I'm not just friend to this little Mr Boy, cause you better believe when he grows up I'll say to him "hey! snap out of it. treat your mom right. she's much cooler than you'll ever comprehend!" Yet I'm not quite an Aunt. I could blend the word - Faunt, or Fauntie... but it just sounds, eh. And if that is unappealing imagine: Neil is the Funcle.

Growing up my mom was blessed to have wonderful, amazing friends that love me abundantly. They have been fun, formative, and incredible role models. For some I say aunt (Aunt Stacy), for some its just their first name (Jackie, Marta), and for others its whole new nick name entirely (Ludgie Two Shoes).

So the question is, what do you do for your friends kids? Do you have them call you something special? Is there a term I'm unaware of? Should we just go ahead and make one up now - because maybe it deserves a title. Its a big position to hold, we are the ones that always have gum!

oh and what is your go-to recipe for bringing food to new families? cause I have a lot of them coming and I want to make 'em happy!

HAPPY WEEKEND! hope you learn something new

Wouldn't book club be so much easier if you just had to read a short article?
Because I know you just said 'yes' - consider this weekend post the Article Club. Its with me. But you don't need to show up with cheeses (although I wouldn't object).

Below are a few articles I've flagged recently because they made me think, or they've sparked discussion. I'll give you a little topical sentence with them and a few questions and you can pick whichever one (if any) pique your interest.

Then you can go to my comment section or to your significant other/co-worker/friend/mechanic/dog and launch directly into the Article Club discussion. Tell them every thing you learned. And on second thought, bring cheese, it will go better.

Article 1, is called the white savior industrial complex. Remember all the fuss about that Kony video? So this piece is a little old and somewhat topical to that - but it speaks to some much larger issues and it really really made me think. (it also made me a little uncomfortable, which I like). Do you agree with the author? Do you think americans like a "convenient villain" or a "space onto which white egos can easily be projected"? He challenges, if you care - do something about the underlying structural issues in Africa. I spent a number of years volunteering and working with Jubilee USA Network and I believe they make great strides in that direction. They always said there's giving a man a fish, and teaching a man to fish.... and then there's asking who staked ownership of the lake and why no one has access. (To be clear, working with Jubilee doesn't exempt me from the author's critique. I definitely cringed a lot reading this)


Article 2, on the increasing trend of using midwives. Would you use one? Do you still think it's safer/better in an MD's hands? Do you agree with the author that the reason for the shift is because of 'too many c-sections"? I watched the documentary called "The Business of Being Born" (on Netflix streaming) and found it to be only slightly biased and very eye opening.

Article 3, titled lying children will grow up to successful citizens. I found this argument to be entirely new and strange and interesting. Can you see the author's point? Do you think you'd agree just to feel okay about a lying kid that you love so much? I might.

Article 4, of all the articles I read post NBA finals, this one was my favorite (excuse the cursing) "Lebron James is a C**KSucker" It cut out all the warm and fuzzy story lines about Lebron and called it like it was - he's the same guy he was the day before he won. I love this piece because either you like him or you don't and that shouldn't change if his team wins. It reminded me of when Tiger came back to golf and was going head to head against Mickelson and the rhetoric was "good vs evil" and "bad husband vs. great husband". Do you think we crave the good guy wins story? Do you think we link the  one that wins to the one with good character? I remember being unable to watch PTI and Sports Center at the time Tiger made his return because, while I don't approve of his extra curriculars, shouldn't it just be about the golfer with more skill? (I'm the same girl that will go all in for any triumph story they promote during the Olympics, so take this with a grain of salt)

That's all for now. I hope you have time this weekend to relax and read. I hope you have time to be social and discuss. I extra hope you learned something new!

Let me know if you liked these and I'll send more your way here and there. Let me know if you were bored to tears (All Paragraphs?!? No Pictures?!? lame!) and it's cool - I'll lay off the Article Club.

Either way, have a great weekend!

HAPPY WEEKEND! hope you get what you've been waiting for

I'm not sure what you've been patiently waiting for these long winter months.

Maybe it's the chance to pick out the seedlings that will start your gardens.

Maybe it's the opportunity to watch a parade, drink green colored beer, and eat the perfect St Patty's Day treat.

Maybe its the $30 you'll win in the office pole if Baylor can just eek by with two more wins.

What have I been waiting for? That my best friend's baby will finally get here already!
So I'll say in my most petulant voice possible "commme oooonn"
We've waited so long. I just want to know if its a boy or girl. I want to see a button nose. I want to marvel at some tiny chubby feet. I want this baby to just freaking get here!

There are many proud aunties that feel like I do...

but don't worry about any of the others, little one,

because you're going to like me the most

(I'll always have gum and let you stay up late)

So friends, other than asking St Patrick to break a girl's water, I don't have anything else for you. I''ll just let Gus lead you into a great weekend...

HAPPY WEEKEND! hope you feel wonder and awe

This weekend I get to spend time with my awesome nephew, who is almost 7 months old now. (How? How do they grow so fast ?!)

He is at the perfect age when you can actually see him discover the world around him - you can really watch it - he shows it all in his little expressions. (He would be terrible at poker).

Its so fun to see him drop the toy, get the toy, drop the toy... then look at you- amazed that he's learned gravity.

Then there's the wonders of having one bright plastic cup, then two bright plastic cups, then oh my lordy they nest inside each other! I love the pure shock on his face when the smaller one disappears.

Its just object permanence buddy, you'll get it soon.

I feel a sense of amazement watching him as he's watching the world with a sense of amazement.

















I hope you get some of that confusing, awe inspiring, good stuff this weekend (and to top it off, I hope little leg fat, knee dimple action comes your way too)!

Good Omens?

Start with the Dream...
I usually wake up often through the night so I usually remember my dreams. Unfortunately, those dreams are usually fraught with images I'd rather soon forget. This is why, when I had my first non-nightmare a week ago (the first good dream in years), I was so happy I felt I should share:

Neil and I were watching a basketball game in a court-side, luxury box (which only exist in my mind). The walls were plexiglass like a hockey penalty box, and our table for two was decadent... I mean, candelabra, gold chargers, heaps of food. I was eating chicken wings (my vegetarianism abandoned) and watching a tie game with, miraculously, no time left. Our team was poised to win it all because Paul Pierce was on the foul line. Then, Paul turned and looked at us. He locked eyes and boldly stepped back, and back, until he was beyond the arc. "Opting to shoot a 3 to win the game on a free throw? This is unheard of!!" The announcers were shocked. Then he lobbed it up - while maintaining eye contact the whole time. "HE WON THE GAME! HE WON THE CHAMPIONSHIP! WITH A NO-LOOK-BEYOND-THE-ARC-FOUL-SHOT!!!"

and the crowd went wild

Onto Omens....
I don't know that I believe in Omens or signs, but I woke up thinking that the dream was just so good, maybe good things were to come my way. And the fact that Pitt was playing WVU in the final Back Yard Brawl that night was not lost on me.

Then there's Babies...
Around two o'clock that afternoon, my cousin called to say her water broke. She was 16 days early. She was admitted to deliver. And maybe because she was early or maybe because some people just have rough deliveries - a long, long day began for her. My cousin adjusted to the admission, endured the heavy doses of pitocin, labored through epidural difficulties, and pushed for hours. She was amazing. To give you an idea of how much she endured and how strong she had to be - when they told the only option remaining was a c-section, she was ready. (and she faced that with the same incredible strength she had shown all day and night)
So I got to be there, at the hospital, when my perfect niece entered the world. All 7 pounds 5 ounces of her. And I was in a room full of family members at the moment my amazing cousin became a mother, I had a court-side seat to a truly holy moment. And for a lack of more poetic descriptions, my cousin managed to pull off the very difficult no-look-beyond-the-arc-game-winning-shot.

Which brings me back to Omens...
I'm not saying there was a connection between my good dream and a healthy baby girl. Okay, okay, maybe I tried a bit too hard to draw a parallel but so what. I love basketball and I love my family - it happens. (Plus, if I were actually good at predicting things, Pitt wouldn't have lost that night - but that's neither here nor there). All signs aside, I am saying that both my dream and the birth were very good things. And my niece is perfect - have I mentioned that yet?
She's absolutely perfect.

happy first week, darling girl

(sorry your aunt is crazy)

HAPPY WEEKEND! hope you oooh and awww

I'm on my way to a baby shower where I will get to see some friends I adore (and I don't often see)!

ooooh

(this from almost three years ago, at Em's wedding shower,

and now there'll be one less of us drinking mimosas)

And I will get to look at little baby clothes and baby gifts...

awwww

(tiny versions of things are always cuter than the normal sized things)

And this weekend, I get to go the Pitt vs. Villanova game! My husband's co-worker has season tickets, and the co-worker's wife just had a baby - leaving us with his seats (for this, I love babies). And I really hope to see some great things like the following...

ooooh and awww and jump in a pile screaming.

Go Panthers!

UTER-US?

"It's uter-us Marge, not uter-you!" 

~ Homer Simpson

This is a touchy topic... I think its paradoxical because it comes up often yet we hardly talk about how it makes us feel.

"When are you planning on having children?"
           - a question that is everywhere

"How is that your business?"
           - a socially unacceptable reply, that most people (if they are honest) long to say

One would think - one would HOPE that my current condition would preclude any questions about how soon we will have children - that's not the case. Most days I function as a toddler and depend on my husband to carry out basic needs for me. In no way could I begin to care for a child. Yet more often than not, I get the mention of babies. This comes from acquaintances ("How long have you been married now? Oh a year and a half! So are you trying for little ones soon?") and from close family members ("I just saw a picture of Neil as a baby - he was adorable - I can't wait to see how cute your kids will be.")

Every time we say to someone on Neil's side of the family that we need to tell them something - anything - from Neil got a promotion to 'lets meet at 7 for dinner' -  it ends with them saying "oh,... I thought you were going to tell us Em is pregnant."

So for a person that should clearly never get the question - I get it a lot. Which means other people must feel just inundated. I don't mind it all that much because having kids is the last thing on my mind. But my sensitivity has grown because now I know people (a lot of people, in my immediate friend group) who have experienced the following painful situations:

*difficulty getting pregnant
*difficulty getting pregnant for well over a year
*difficulty getting pregnant after already having a child
*miscarriage
*miscarriage after 20 weeks
*miscarriage after already having a healthy child
*multiple miscarriages
*infertility
*failed adoptions
*and often a combination of more than one of the above

Thats a lot of variables walking around in our world - a lot of women for whom the seemingly innocent questions of "when are you having a chid?" or "when are you having another?" will sting like arrows. I'm confused by the fact that no one realizes they are playing emotional russian roulette - there's a good chance you ask this to a woman who's been trying for ages, on the same day she happened to get her period (or worse yet, miscarry). Still we'll load the question, spin the barrel and aim.

And we risk bringing up such a heartbreaking and personal topic because.... because.... why again? Is it asked because thats the standard small talk? Is its asked because its a go-to when we run out of other things to say?

I don't suggest we abandon the topic of fertility altogether. If you are close enough friends, hopefully you'll be able to talk to them in a way that they know you are really caring. Maybe start with "if you guys decide to start trying to get pregnant and its difficult - I want you to know I'm here to listen." (But honestly, this is an area I don't feel confident with and could use work)

If you aren't very close friends, then maybe new and creative filler conversation needs to be invented. "Oh you've been married two years now? Thats great! Is there anything fun you have planned this year?" or "What has been the most surprising or wonderful part of marriage so far?"

Are you just tired of this question too? I'd be curious to hear of more helpful (and tactful) ways people have broached this topic. I'm at the point now where I'd like to find out from a few friends how they are doing, with out infringing on what can be so personal. Are there any phrases you've found to be non-offensive?

Picture Books

source

My favorite gift to give at a shower is a children's book. Some invites even ask for a book in leu of a card - so I figured I could share some of my favorite children's books in case you find yourself amidst a number of fertile friends, as I myself have experienced. (note: these books aren't your typical Goodnight Moon or I'll Love You Forever - those are great but if you're going to a shower you don't always want to be a repeater)

The Peace Book by Todd Parr

"Peace is making new friends" and better yet, 

"Peace is having enough pizza for everyone in the world"

Chicka Chicka Boom Boom by Bill Martin Jr.

I read this one like I'm droppin' a phat beat. 

(in the hopes my niece and nephew are laughing with me not at me) 

The Missing Piece Meets the Big O by Shel Silverstein

I love this one enough to get a tattoo of it. So there's that. 

Hope for the Flowers by Trina Paulus

This one is pretty wordy and reads more like a short story but the metaphors are so beautiful. 

One of my favorite adult books, "When the Heart Waits" by Sue Monk Kidd, relies heavily on the simple message of this book.

I Like You by Sandol Stoddard Warburg

I  think this little gem is the perfect mix of sweet and silly.

I gave it to Neil for our first Valentines Day when the big "L" word still gave me hives. 

Later we used a quote from it on our wedding programs....

Go the F*ck to Sleep by Adam Mansbach

This is less of a book for children and more of a book for adults. 

If you can take a light hearted approach to the difficulties of trying to get a child to go to sleep, then this would likely be the book for you - better to laugh than pull out your hair right?

(and here is Samuel L Jackson doing an audio reading... caution, explicit)

Do you have any favorites that I missed? I'm always looking for new ones to gift away!

Postpartum Healing Tip

So there's something I recommend to every new mom if they've had a vaginal delivery. It might make some readers uncomfortable, but its so good I feel I have to share (hint: if you flinched at 'vaginal delivery', stop reading now)

I learned this trick while working in maternity as a nurse and I swear by it (by proxy, of course).

1. Take a package of maxi-pads. emphasis on MAXI. think: overnight, huge... the kind of pads that the nurse used to hand out in middle school

2. Run a small amount of water over the pads and wring them out so the water is distributed evenly but they are not fully saturated or overly heavy.

3. Place the damp pads in a large bowl and place the bowl in the freezer. The bowl should be big enough that when the pads are put into place they curve to later fit the contour of your body. They'll have some flexibility after freezing so as long as you're somewhere between folded in half or completely flat, you should be fine.

4. After delivery, use these frozen wonders for comfort (its like an ice pack) and absorption (its still a pad)

and HAPPY HEALING!

New Mom Gifts

At the shower I went to this weekend, some wonderful friend went off registry and very rogue and bought the mom-to-be slippers, a sweet little nightie, and a cozy cotton robe. Isn't that just brilliant!

So in the spirit of thinking of the sacrificing mother - here are a few more nice gifts for her... and only her, let the baby fend for itself.

A massage - giving a new mom a half hour to an hour out of the house to unwind and relax could be just what they need. (couple it with an offer to babysit for that time period and you could be friend of the year)

Netflix subscription/new TV series - many friends have said that the times of gazing lovingly at their new child while breast feeding at all hours doesn't last forever - sometimes they want to watch some mindless television (I'll resist all 'boob tube' jokes). A 25 minute television show is the perfect respite for the mid afternoon or late night feeding and a lot of couples actually liked the bonding over something entertaining during the long days of rarely leaving the house. I've lent my three seasons of 'Arrested Development' out to four different new moms now - which makes me feel in some small way like I'm doing my part.

A handwritten note - this one might sound small or insignificant but from what I've heard of new moms, encouragement is good (actually, I guess that's true of everyone). Being childless, I sometimes get sensitive to the comments of 'you have no idea what it's like' or 'your world is sooo much easier'. But in all honesty I don't know what its like, and if I can send a simple 'Thinking of you', it can go a long way.

source: robe, massage, movie, note

Dad Diaper Bags

on DadGear 

There are a surprising number of Daddy products appearing in the baby industry and I have to say, the diaper bags for men are really nice. (My mom will be so sad to hear that yet another passing idea of hers has become a booming market a few years after she thinks of it.)

I like the basic look of this one on ebags.

And I think this backpack is perfect for the athletic papa.

If you want to drop some major bills, this diaper bag from StorkSak is amazing and looks almost like a briefcase (and supposedly Brad Pitt carries it)

I like that as fathers are becoming more involved, they are getting equipped to do so. Hopefully in coming years we'll see things for men start to creep into baby registries.

Old Wive's Tales: Gender Prediction

There are a lot of Old Wive's Tales I've heard about figuring out gender - the all seem particularly crazy to me (and most have been disproved by science and common sense), but honestly think they are really entertaining.

source

I pulled together a number of them from a number of sites - if I missed any that you know of, let me know...

* How do you carry the child? Carrying high is girl, carrying low is boy
(the nurse in me knows this is actually due to uterine muscle tone, but again, its fun to see)

* What is the fetal heart beat range? High (above 140 bpm) is girl, low is boy
(another one that science has debunked, but every single expectant mom will perk their ears to)

*What do you crave? Sweet foods - ice creams and the like is girl, Salty/Sour foods - pickles, chips, etc is boy

*What are your eating habits? Sick and Nauseated is girl, eating more is boy

*What does one cup of your pee look like when mixed with one tablespoon of Drano? (that's right, you heard me. this one sounds crazy to me too. and I wonder how "old" of a wive's tale it can be, but here goes) Green is girl, blue is boy

*What is the mother's age at conception and what is the year at conception? - this one is according to the Mayans so we'll know pretty soon whether or not to trust them - If the answer to both age and year are even or odd its girl, if the answer to age and year are opposite its boy

*What part of the loaf of bread do you crave? The middle is girl, the heals (aka the 'butt') is boy

*How is your complexion? Breakouts are linked to girl ("they steal their mother's beauty") and clear skin is boy

*How is your demeanor? Crabby is girl, Pleasant is boy

*How have you gained weight? Pregnant 'all over' is girl, All belly is boy

*What are your hands like? soft hands are girl, chapped or dry hands are boy

*What did an older sibling say first? Mom or Mama is girl, Dad or Dadda is boy

*Which breast is bigger during pregnancy? (yep thats a thing) Right side is girl, left side is boy

*How are you getting about? Clumsy is boy, Graceful is girl

*Has the father put on weight during pregnancy? Yes is girl, no is boy

*Ask a pregnant person to show you their hands - Palms up is girl, Palms down is boy

*Have her pick up a house key - She grasps the long narrow part its a girl, She picks the round end its a boy

and my personal favorite (because how will you discuss and determine this):
*Who was more aggressive at the time of conception? Husband means its a girl, Wife means its a boy

source

Sometimes these can do more harm than good (note: don't tell a hormonal pregnant woman she looks like she's carrying a girl - she will most definitely become 'crabby') but most of them are harmless and rarely true.

We grew up with my mom doing the pencil test (also performed with a string and a wedding band) and maybe its just because I was raised on the notion of that particular wive's tale, I do think that one must be true. (please don't tell me otherwise)

baby clothes

This weekend I went to a wonderful baby shower for my cousin and next weekend I have another baby shower for my best friend (I don't have the internal wiring to love showers, but I love these women so it helps a great deal).

This bookending of all things newborn has gotten me thinking a lot about them and I'm going to throw out a few posts on the subject this week.

warning: If you hate babies don't visit this site again until next monday...

I read this article titled, When Did Girls Start Wearing Pink and I thought it was really fascinating. How the blue and pink colors we so strongly adhere to weren't even ascribed until the 40s and how the very specific gender icons (trucks and princess) weren't added till the mid 80s. The author attributes a boom in gender specific clothing to our wealth. We can afford to have blue crib sheets for one child and pink curtains for the next. I also think its because we can find out the sex quite early and accurately, leaving proud aunties with the desire to go buy things.

I found the article to be surprising because I'm not aware of a time before the standard options were this...

only 16.99

and this...

from old navy

or the unisex this...

(owls and monkeys seem to be the new turtles for this category)

and so its hard to remove myself from the fixed 'boy', 'girl', 'neutral' mentality.

I am making a blanket for a friend that plans on being surprised about the gender and I was torn on what colors to use. I laid out all the color options of yarn in front of Neil and begged his help in choosing. He said, 'I like gray and green.' I paused 'But Neil, is that 'neutral enough?" he shrugged, "I don't know, I just think it's a nice green." I realized how stupid I sounded. Why did I feel the need to incorporate an anemic pale yellow? Why was gender representation (or ambiguous lack thereof) more important than it looking good?

(In the end, I went with the nice gray and green)

I wouldn't call any of this a rant... more of a musing... about culture. Some pinks and blues are very fun and have a great place. I for one, can't wait to buy a little girl this Pitt Cheerleading outfit, and that's about as gender stereotyped as you can get.

However when I go to shop for shower gifts, I find I want to break away from the "I'm a diva" and "Lil Heartbreaker" clothes, so I usually go with the standard white onesie (is that sooo boring?).

Last year I made an effort to branch out and I was surprised to find that American Apparel and H&M  can have really great baby clothes! I also know a lot of people like etsy for the one of a kind blankets and screen print baby tees.

I got this unisex cardigan from American Apparel for a shower, and I wish it came in my size 

I'm curious, do you stick with the girl pink and the boy blue when you shop for baby shower gifts? Do you like the onsies with sayings or not? And have you found any places with unique clothing?