November

I know that November is already in full swing. I have been wearing my hand knit scarf (thank you Sarah!) and my wooly gloves for days now. Still, I would love to share about some of the many things I am looking forward to this month...

Walks with Dixon

Not to worry, you won't get a dog picture in every post.

But this one warms my soul because it captures autumn, and our neighborhood, and our family.

"Brunette Dancing Rave"

On blogger you can see the phases people search to find your site. 

I have to apologize to the multiple (yes multiple) people looking for "Brunette Dancing Rave" that found this post-concussive, surgery recovering, soup eating, nap taking lady insead.

However, I look forward to doing more this month. Maybe something more mild like "Brunette Shuffle Step" and we'll save that other ambitious search result for march or april.

An Ale in My Honor

There was never any doubt that my husband loves me, but he's proving it yet again.

This month we'll bottle a beer he made precisely to my tastes.

Its a pumpkin ale but its not too sweet. It has ginger and cinnamon and all spice. It has only a hit of hops. PLUS a secret ingredient. 

I feel so proud to have a beer that's my beer. He even named it after me - 

The Zipperhead!

Two New Crochet Stitches

Some ask, "what do you do all day?" Lately the answer is "I've take up the ol' crochet hooks."

I've found its engaging enough without causing brain stimulus overload.

I recently learned not one, but TWO new stitches! Dear readers you are either 

(a) thrilled for me or (b) mocking me. 

Those in camp 'a' can call me up and I'll mail you a hat

 (the 'b' people, eh, you get a hat too, I have a bunch of time)

Mountain Biking

Not for me, oh no, wellgeez no!

My dear husband has a light in his eyes when he gets near a bike, talk about bikes, think of bikes. (the kind of light that's part kid at christmas and part Nicholson from Cuckoo's Nest)

This month the last of the warm-enough days will be here and I look forward to him riding about as much a he possibly can.

also, this video of Danny Macaskill is insane!

movie: The Interrupters

We got this documentary in from Netflix and we can't wait to watch it. The Interrupters is about a group of former gang members that travel through inner city Chicago, trying to enact a cease fire among active gangs. It has received great reviews, and maybe I'll even see my old neighborhood.

books: So Many, Too Many! (in a good way) 

After just finishing a great book - "Night Circus" by Erin Morgenstern, I'm excited to dive into my next few for November. I was thinking "Hiroshima" by John Hersey and "Someone Knows My Name" by Lawrence Hill, then "Passage to India" by E.M. Forster

And then I'll be about 1/3 of the way through the books that have been lent to me!

I love to read and have LOVED the ones I've gotten so far, but please bring me no more!!

Leek Bread Pudding

I love stuffing so much. Its my favorite side dish of the Thanksgiving meal. So when I tasted this recipe last year for a savory bread pudding, I was quickly won over. I don't know why its taken me so long to make it myself, but I'm finally doing it! 

(maybe I've just been appropriately afraid that once I see how easy it is to have warm bread bake, I won't be able to turn back.)

College Basketball!

I'm sorry for those of you in hockey mourning.

I'm pleased for those of you at the peak of foot ball season happiness.

But I can't hear any of you over sounds of my cries of joy. 

ITS D-1 BALL TIME BABY!

Thanksgiving

This year the holiday is extra special because the date will be exactly 3 months post surgery.

My "I love you"s to family will be extra sappy.

My stamina as I travel between all 5 or so different family houses will be extra strong.

My cup will be spilled over!

This year for my birthday, I used a gift card to buy a bottle of champagne, and at the time I felt too sick to drink it. We've saved this bottle and I can't think of a better time to uncork than November 22nd.

My cup will be extra extra spilled over!

God Parents

The best for last: Neil and I are beyond honored and overwhelmingly blessed because we've been asked to become God Parents. 

Our darling niece, Mia, has become the tiny life we pledge to pour into, to pray for, to influence, and guide. Although we just met her, we couldn't love her more. 

We can't wait to fulfill this role. 

(It means also we spoil her like crazy, right? Because if that's not in the job description than I'm adding an amendment)

And just for fun: this video cracked me up!

If Mia doesn't pick us as her favorite, we might need to borrow some of these tactics.

 Have a great Weekend!

Fauntie?

Exactly one week ago my friend gave birth to just the cutest, most want-to-squeezable little guy! Once again I'm so excited to see once of my friends, whom I've always loved and admired, become a mother.  Once again I'm so excited to watch this woman I've always adored, grow a kid I know I'll also adore. Its such an emotional and profound time - having your buddies become moms. (and really great moms, at that!)

I'm about to go and cook something for her as she rests and grows this little human. I've chosen a version of these chewy granola bars (I figured they are nutrient packed and can be frozen individually and they might be a nice change up from all the dinners she's been getting)

While I head off to the kitchen, here's some food for thought. In all the joy over the new birth, I still don't know what to call myself... is there a name for this? I'm not just friend to this little Mr Boy, cause you better believe when he grows up I'll say to him "hey! snap out of it. treat your mom right. she's much cooler than you'll ever comprehend!" Yet I'm not quite an Aunt. I could blend the word - Faunt, or Fauntie... but it just sounds, eh. And if that is unappealing imagine: Neil is the Funcle.

Growing up my mom was blessed to have wonderful, amazing friends that love me abundantly. They have been fun, formative, and incredible role models. For some I say aunt (Aunt Stacy), for some its just their first name (Jackie, Marta), and for others its whole new nick name entirely (Ludgie Two Shoes).

So the question is, what do you do for your friends kids? Do you have them call you something special? Is there a term I'm unaware of? Should we just go ahead and make one up now - because maybe it deserves a title. Its a big position to hold, we are the ones that always have gum!

oh and what is your go-to recipe for bringing food to new families? cause I have a lot of them coming and I want to make 'em happy!

the stuff of which life is made

I know I must be getting better and better because the urge to run has turned into an alarm that I just can't turn off. Deep down, I know its a true joy and luxury to complain about a lack of running and to ache to move faster. For the record, I am happy to be at this new stage. (now let's continue, what was I saying about discontentment?...)

When I get my "Running Time's" magazine in the mail, I have to immediately hide its mocking cover away until I can read it "some day in the future."
When I see runners relishing in the cool fall weather as they stride past me, it takes all I can muster not to say "quit bragging!"
When Neil innocently tells me about knocking out 7 miles on the treadmill - I swallow the mean response of "how fun for half  the people in this house" and force a smile to simply say "how fun"
(admittedly, this is not my best self)

Stupidly, I've chosen right now to finish the borrowed book "Running the Spiritual Path" by Roger Joslin, so i can return it to my friend Caitlin. Its a great book, and its not helping matters. On this perfect autumn running day, I will share a (rather long but beautiful) excerpt from the book. It expresses the love/hate/love relationship I have with running and it gives insight into why I miss it so much.

source

Joslin wrote this excerpt after completing a 22 mile run through the deserts of the Rio Grande...
[emphasis and spacing mine]

"When I returned from the trip to Big Bend and was asked about the run, I was uncertain how to reply. To those who wouldn't understand, I was likely to offer a flippant answer. I would say that the run was "great" or "hard" or "beautiful." These replies were, at least on a superficial level, perfectly true.

The twenty-two mile run down the Old Ore Road in Big Bend was like life itself. The same can be said for almost every run I take. Every run contains elements of the "stuff of which life is made." All the worries, fears, distractions, hopes, regrets, pain, and joy that fill life are often played out over the course an hour-long run.

Running in Big Bend, a place where God's spirit abounds, the examples of God's handiwork are evident as both challenging obstacles and lofty displays of inspiration. I felt as if years of experience in dwelling in the Divine Presence were compressed into only a few hours.

At times it was easy, exhilarating, joyous, and awe inspiring. Then I would emerge from a dry creek bed to find that the trail had become dangerous, worrisome, difficult, painful, and exhausting...

I tend to saddle each run with the complexities of my personal experience. And over the course of the run, these complexities are reduced to the simple matter of moving and breathing in God's presence."

Democracy Pants

While so many people I talk to seem to be dreading this election and longing for it to be over - I'm not going to lie - I've been pretty excited for today.

I try to remain non-partisan on this blog but I don't mind sharing with you that this morning I joyfully put on my "Barack and Roll all Night. Party Every Day" underwear. Then I made my way to the polls!

Building on something my buddy Tom said... I keep thinking that tonight no one has bigger stakes in this than Mitt and Barack. Yet one man will graciously win and the other will graciously give a consolation speech. Both will act with tact and kindness. Neither will threaten to move to Canada.

I hope that we can take a note from the guys leading the way. Whom ever wins - we will be okay. No one is actively malicious, worships satan, or is trying to destroy america. (I believe that about the candidates and I believe that about people that vote differently than me.)

The things that really might make me feel despair on wednesday is how we chose to speak to each other, and how quickly we abandon our role in government.

How ever the vote goes, you don't need to limit your involvement to one day every four years. Just contacting local officials, signing onto bills, or lobbying congressmen can make your voice heard in a truly powerful way.

So whatever underwear you put on this morning, I hope can step in to your democracy pants, because this civilized voting thing is pretty great.

p.s. since I got way more preachy and divisive than usual, I'll end with something both sides of the isle will like: a picture of a dog that recently got out of a shelter so he just loves to rest on his elbows and stare at birds with his new buddy.

a series of escalating dares

For years now Neil and I have wanted a dog. We have longed for a dog. We knew we couldn't get a dog because our lease said so and I wasn't feeling well enough... but that didn't stop our unhealthy dog wanting behaviors. We would dog sit and pretend it was our everyday life. We would stare longingly at dog walking couples. We even picked out future names.

In the last few weeks, I've started feeling better and better - leaving our status as "renters" as the only barrier between us and the thing we've wanted oh so much. This has put us into a fever pitch where instead of talking each other down to reality, we just enabled increasingly crazy thoughts.

With a nod to the "arrested development" joke, here are a few of the series of escalating dares that we've encountered these last few weeks...

-Unhealthy Dog Wanting Behavior #1: The Lost Dogs

source

My friend Carrie lent me this fantastic book telling the story of the dogs from the Michael Vick fighting rings. This book is excellent (both heart breaking and extremely inspiring), it shows the rehabilitation of a very misunderstood breed of dogs. Some of these Vick Pit Bulls were even able to serve as therapy dogs in hospitals within a year of rescue! After this my desire to rescue was at a code yellow level.

- Unhealthy Dog Wanting Behavior #2: Pit Bulls and Parolees 

source

Shortly after finishing the book, I found this show on Animal Planet. Its about a kennel that rescues Pit Bulls and staffs with people on Parole... giving everyone a second chance. For the record I have yet to make it through an episode without crying.

-Unhealthy Dog Wanting Behavior #3: Re-Watching Videos Like This
again and again and again

(video of Soldier returning from war)

- Unhealthy Dog Wanting Behavior #4: "Lover's Not Fighters Gala"
I approached Neil with the desire to attend this February fundraiser by saying "If we can't have a dog right now, at least we can support these organizations, right?" That's not an unhealthy idea, but I was foolish to think surrounding myself with dog-friendly people would scratch the itch. nuh uh. still want a pup. big time.

- Unhealthy Dog Wanting Behavior #5: Petfinder.com
Oh I'll just look at the weepy, curious, kind eyes of about one hundred dogs that need homes and I'll be able to walk away, no problem. I know, I know how dangerous this is, trust me I didn't seek out this behavior. I accidentally hopped into the website after I was looking into that fundraiser gala. Then I was diving down the rabbit hole and there was no way out... except maybe Neil's voice of reason. Only instead of saying "No. Bad. Close that link!" he said "I have an idea: Spend tomorrow searching through them all and then pick your top 3 favorite to show me when I get home from work." (is this the definition of enabler?)

- Unhealthy Dog Wanting Behavior #6: Just An Innocent Shelter Visit
After all this, we were at red alert levels in our dog longing. We talked at length at how wonderful it would be to have a dog with me on my walks, to have company with me during my days, to be at a place where we were moving forward - at last! Then we stupidly said "Why don't we just walk to the local shelter and look. Just look." hahahahaha. I think you all know what happens after that...

**fast forward through me crying 3 times before we walk down the first isle of the cages. fast forward through our time peering through bars with fingers licked and tail wagging, fast forward through us whispering "yeah, I agree, I don't want to see any others but that one.", fast forward through us nervously calling our (amazing) land lord... fast forward fast forward... and...

ITS A BOY!!!

meet Dixon

(full name "Jamie Dixon - 2010 National Coach of the Year")

he is our 10 month old, 55 lb, new family member. 

he's part terrier, part pit bull, part lab, part retriever, part Orbin

so far I know he loves sleeping curled around Neil's shoe and he hates squirrels

 and so far I've never had a better morning coffee routine!

Happy Weekend! hope its safe and dry!

I've been thinking so much about people on the eastern seaboard and hoping the best for their rebuilding and return to normalcy. 

I can't imagine all that's on the long road ahead for my cousin who's home flooded in Long Beach, NY. They will need to replace everything from drywall to book collections to spices to kids toys. Right now they can't get back to the home and there's still no electricity but thankfully everyone is okay. I hope everyone you know is safe and dry and on the mend.

Isn't it strange how things like a hurricane will seem so intangible to you, because your life continues unaffected, then you see or hear something small that will make it sink in. You think "wow, this really is huge for so many people." (I know that's such an obvious thought but that's how it happens for me). 

My surreal moment was when I saw this picture of the pancake house where I vacation in Stone Harbor, NJ.    

The tables are set in such a heartbreakingly familiar way, yet I know it will be ages before water is drained, equipment is replaced, and health codes are passed. 

I know it will take so much work get back to the ease of an overly tanned waitress topping off coffee while one leisurely finishes off banana pancakes over the din of happy vacationers. 

(so as I re-read, it sounds elitist to say this sinks in when I see my vacation spot flooded. I'm also feeling deeply for those who are now homeless, injured, and worse. But I'm not going to delete above comments because its true that this picture made things real and I just wanted to share about the one tangible I knew, I hope that makes sense.)

I'd like to move along with some other, happier, thoughts. I figure, even if you're still in waders and rain slickers, laughter is important, so here's a few moments of comic relief I've discovered this week...

Jimmy Kimmel seems to have a knack for messing with kids. My new favorite is the Lie Detective:

Sometimes I think about how certain animal groups could overtake humans if they just organized properly. After seeing these pictures, I'm pretty sure it won't be the dogs that do it.

Oh Ellen and Gladys! Always hilarious, but the best banter you two have ever had was the first time.

What's funnier, crying in public or a competition to see who cries first? I'm sure the answer should be neither but both videos had me cracking up.

I'm so happy that Happy Endings has started up again. I think the fake fight that Brad and Jane have in season 2 might be one of my favorite scenes...

Once you know all these facts, you'll be aware of more things.

Louis CK is on SNL this week.. "Sandy, I really wish you hadn't"

And to bring things full circle, the blog My Drunk Kitchen has an amusing video on exactly what (not?) to do during a hurricane for sustenance. Happy Weekend Friends

Live the Question

Even though I've spent so many years dreaming about the days "when I get better..." I'm still at a loss at how to finish that sentence.

I could make this a long drawn out post about how I'm weighing options of alternative health care jobs or going back to school for other degrees. Or I could talk a lot about how I'm thinking of ways to start small, like volunteer, before I choose a direction. Or I could share how Neil and I have actually made an NCAA-like tournament bracket of possible job options.

But what I really want to say today is much more simple. Its a pep-talk for me as much as I hope it might resonate for you in some way. Its a quote by Rainer Maria Rilke and it is on constant repeat for me these days because the blank slate in front of us starts to bring up so many questions: What will I do next? How much can my brain handle? Where will we live? etc, etc

I just go back to this quote and remember that this time doesn't need to be overwhelming and scary (a territory so easily ventured into, isn't it?) - this time can be exciting and full of wonder.

All those things I can't answer right now, its okay. Its okay to live in the question.

…I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903

in Letters to a Young Poet

A Gut Feeling

I'm often asked about my level of pain and I have a difficult time giving a succinct answer.

There are times when I feel so so much better than I expected to feel at this point in my recovery, and there are times when just exactly like someone who had their head cut open. Overall, I consider this to be a positive outcome.

I still answer people that its too soon to determine how much of my concussion plays a role in my pains, but I can say that on average, I hurt less now than I did prior to the surgery (which, for the record, pre-surgery hurt was "a whole lot")! I'm doing much less activity than before, but when I rest and recover, it is wonderful to feel pretty okay!!

Pain is subjective, hard to measure, and difficult to truly recall. That's why I get excited when I can discover something that helps me gauge just how much better I'm feeling... something tangible.

**warning this story may contain too much information for some but it has just the right amount of happiness for me, so I'm telling it anyway:

A few days ago I had a dull ache in my belly. It only lasted about an hour before neck pain eclipsed it again, yet it puzzled me. I spent the better part of the morning trying to figure it out.

Was I hungry? no.
Was I full? no.
Did I eat something bad? no.
Did I do too many sit ups? hahaha, just kidding!

After going through a full check list of options, the lightbulb went off - it was that time of the month! So for the first time in 4 years 5 months, I was feeling cramps!! yay! (again, sorry for the TMI) But seriously friends, my overall pain threshold has now lowered to the point of occasionally feeling measly abdominal cramps!

Next thing you know-  I'll be aware of blisters, paper cuts, shin bruises, hangnails, and other fantastic maladies I've been missing!

This may sound sarcastic but its not, I promise, its not. It has been years of discovering bloody socks with no recollection of stubbing my toe, or finding a bruise on my funny bone with no remembrance of injury, or getting burned while cooking something but not realizing till a blister bubbles up. Now I have hope of feeling these things! So can I get a non-sarcastic hip-hip-hooray for cramps!?!

For those of you that get uncomfortable with the discussion above and can't sit through commercials where a cup of blue liquid is poured over a sanitary napkin - thank you for reading this far!

Your reward is an awesome video...

black cab sessions:

a group of friends that give artists one take to sing one song in the back of their London cabs

I also recommend Mumford and Sons and Fleet Foxes