We stumbled upon this band in a dive bar in Philly and it turns out they'll be in Pittsburgh this coming Saturday! Neil leans towards rock and I gravitate to blues... John the Conqueror is a great blend of both.
How wonderful that I can handle live music! And here's to the six days until that happens!
Any sleeper bands you love? Any songs you want to share for a rough monday morning?
I know my narrative has been predominately about my headache pain, however, the accident had caused many other (albeit lesser) symptoms that I've had to deal with. I want to avoid harsh swearing on this blog, so I'll call these symptoms "highly inconvenient," but if I can step outside myself, they are also fascinating glimpses into how the brain works.
People would marvel at how I could pick up conversations several tables away from me while we were out at a restaurant. This is because I had no filter for background noise. All the foreground and background were at the same level. Clinking silverware, cooks saying orders, that girl with the high pitched laugh... all competing with what's right in front of me. I couldn't block anything out, like in that scene from "What Women Want", and it was all. the. time.
It was fascinating when I could drop information about another person's conversation with ease. It was terrible because I couldn't follow what the people at my table were telling me. It was interesting that my brain was doing this. It was strange when our date night would end early because a snobby woman two tables over complained the whole meal about wanting a more upscale suite for her honeymoon in Cabo. Oh poor Neil, just trying to give me a nice meal - he could never foresee when I would interrupt him with alligator tears saying "she just doesn't have any idea how good she has it in life! We could NEVER go to Cabo! Let's get the check." - having no idea whom "she" is because he can block out entitled background socialites like a normal person.
So when people ask me "Are your headaches gone?" that's only part of the story. The answer is "YES! sometimes. maybe forever? I don't know. but sort of YES! which is the most wonderful!"
But there are so many more elements that are coming back into my world that are so very life giving and uplifting. Like when we go for a walk on a Monday and stop into Silkys for an appetizer - just to see how I do with the noise. Then Neil will turn to me part way through and say "how are you doing with this" and I'll say "Oh." like it hadn't occurred to me to be struggling. BECAUSE I"M DOING OKAY! and that is also so very huge. And then once again I have alligator tears in public (poor Neil) and I smile and say "maybe we try staying through dinner." (and we do and I don't ask for the check early)
Piece by piece we are getting our life back. The ways seem so small but to us they are gigantic. When I go to the grocery store (my personal concussion hell), I no longer need to lay down for several hours afterwards. Do you know what that does for my sense of joy and sanity and love of the day?!? Do you have any idea how many colorful words I can remove from my descriptor of the "market district"? Its delightful. Its mundane but its huge.
Years ago I used to love jazz music. After the accident, my brain did a funny thing - it decided to hate Jazz. I could listen to the albums I already knew by heart, but anything new was off limits. This is because of the sporadic nature of jazz - the notes dip and dive, they don't go where you expect. When you listen, your brain has to switch from auto-drive to active mode just to follow along. A healthy brain does this without problems. My brain set off alarms. After even one song, the vice at my temple would tighten and my head would pulse. For years I was rudely alerted anytime I had to think (not just with Jazz, with anything).
Last week my friend Ryan sent me a wonderful email and at the end was a link to a song he thought I'd like called "Peace Piece" by Bill Evans. With hesitation I re-entered the jazz world.
I used to love Jazz so much because it (generally) has no lyrics, it has no predicted path, and within the breadth of a song it can hold any emotion one wants. I was so sad after the accident when the only thing I could receive from jazz was pain. Now, once again, I can get peace and joy and the dichotomy of having felt heaviness when I am so light.
For years I've talked mostly about my headaches, which oversimplified the fact that my entire life had changed. Now when I tell people that sometimes my headaches are gone, even that miracle is too small an answer - there is a greater abundance. My world has a fullness beyond what I can describe. Maybe like jazz, you can't put it in words.
I'm often asked about my level of pain and I have a difficult time giving a succinct answer.
There are times when I feel so so much better than I expected to feel at this point in my recovery, and there are times when just exactly like someone who had their head cut open. Overall, I consider this to be a positive outcome.
I still answer people that its too soon to determine how much of my concussion plays a role in my pains, but I can say that on average, I hurt less now than I did prior to the surgery (which, for the record, pre-surgery hurt was "a whole lot")! I'm doing much less activity than before, but when I rest and recover, it is wonderful to feel pretty okay!!
Pain is subjective, hard to measure, and difficult to truly recall. That's why I get excited when I can discover something that helps me gauge just how much better I'm feeling... something tangible.
**warning this story may contain too much information for some but it has just the right amount of happiness for me, so I'm telling it anyway:
A few days ago I had a dull ache in my belly. It only lasted about an hour before neck pain eclipsed it again, yet it puzzled me. I spent the better part of the morning trying to figure it out.
Was I hungry? no.
Was I full? no.
Did I eat something bad? no.
Did I do too many sit ups? hahaha, just kidding!
After going through a full check list of options, the lightbulb went off - it was that time of the month! So for the first time in 4 years 5 months, I was feeling cramps!! yay! (again, sorry for the TMI) But seriously friends, my overall pain threshold has now lowered to the point of occasionally feeling measly abdominal cramps!
Next thing you know- I'll be aware of blisters, paper cuts, shin bruises, hangnails, and other fantastic maladies I've been missing!
This may sound sarcastic but its not, I promise, its not. It has been years of discovering bloody socks with no recollection of stubbing my toe, or finding a bruise on my funny bone with no remembrance of injury, or getting burned while cooking something but not realizing till a blister bubbles up. Now I have hope of feeling these things! So can I get a non-sarcastic hip-hip-hooray for cramps!?!
For those of you that get uncomfortable with the discussion above and can't sit through commercials where a cup of blue liquid is poured over a sanitary napkin - thank you for reading this far!
I feel reluctant to admit that my days start to blur together. I find myself thinking with true surprise "Oh! its Friday!" Then the that thought is immediately followed by, "well lets be honest, Saturday and Sunday, not that exciting. They'll look just like that slurred together mon-tueswethrurfriday, except with more football."
Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I'm just saying, I have a pattern. So for those of you who are working oh so hard and earning your friday afternoon relief - here are some fun links I found across the world wide web.
Here's to hoping you have a fun filled weekend with absolutely only a little time to waste surfing around!!
I have been thrilled by the fact that I enjoy coffee again and Jerry Seinfeld's web series "Comedians in Cars getting Coffee" has been the most delightful entertainment to accompany a cup of joe. Each episode is about 12 minutes long and dialogue is so easy that you honestly feel like you're sharing a booth with these guys. When hanging out with Neil in the evening, I find myself wanting to say "oh yeah, my friend was just talking about that" when I really mean- "I watched Mel Brooks and Jerry Seinfeld discuss that during a phase of my life when I was alone all day and I had no sense of distance, normalcy, or proper human interaction. In fairness they DO seem friendly."
oh. wait.... yep, the password I used for all four years of college is in column two.
Neil and I still have our weekly football bets, but instead of the loser having to do a heavy duty household chore (scrubbing baseboards is a rude task to hand your post-operative wife), we decided to reward the winner with getting a CD of their choice! For one of my wins I went back a few years to Iron & Wine's The Shepard's Dog... wow. just wow.
I have professed my love for the site Letters of Note before but I bring it up again because I think I discovered my favorite note. The 'hotter than a pepper sprout', Johnny Cash, wrote a To Do list that makes me feel a warm and fuzzy sort of way.
Its also nice that at this point in my recovery I can accomplish #1, #5, and #6 and sometimes #7
Even though I don't have a child, I have a sense of humor - so this stay at home father's tumblr, Message With a Bottle, is hilarious!
I think the "recently operated" might be the target audience for Network TV's Fall Premiers. I'm truly undiscerning about what new shows I ingest. (by "undiscerning" I mean I watch them all.)
Elementary? why not!
Go On? I have a half hour!
Unfortunately, I have zero advice to give you on which of these shows are good and which are horrible. My television taste buds were numb after I dove into episode 2 of "Guys with Kids"
I have to give Caty Young a big thank you for last weekend. Not only did she share with me so much love and fun and early 90s flash backs- she gave me this diamond of knowledge about the Baby Sitters Club. As I set my sites for my future, now I know I just want to end up better than Claudia.
We are transitioning into some hearty, wholesome fall foods in our CSA and its exciting to dream up recipes. (Then hand them off to my husband to execute, serve, and clean-up!) This weekend its this rustic cabbage soup, with some carrots and corn tossed in for good measure.
And I'll end with something as close to self promotion as I can get... after hours of Neil and I (and some friends) sitting around talking about music, Neil started a blog discussing music. He (and some friends) post with either ideas or actual albums they like. This brand new site is to be a forum where you can gain exposure to good music you may never listen to otherwise - then talk about it.
Happy Weekend! I'll work hard on recovery (and less on time wasting) and report back on Monday!
This weekend I'm fortunate enough to officiate a wedding for a truly wonderful couple.
While I put the final touches on sermons and vows, I'm thinking about great marriage advice.
This article by Lydia Netzer is so sweet and honest. I love all her tips, especially, "make a husband pact with your friends" - I think the way you talk to your spouse and about your spouse is so very important.
I also think there is something so wonderful about realistic love... not the grand sweeping things we see in romantic movies. So I'm posting my favorite clip from my favorite romantic movie. (Actually its my second favorite clip. I couldn't find the "She's heard me say I love you a million times but she's never heard me say I'm sorry" scene from Die Hard, so this will have to do)
And I love the song "Born" by Over the Rhine (a husband and wife duo). When Karen and Linford were going through a rough patch in their marriage they decided to buy a case of wine and sit down with a bottle every night until it was gone. They would use that time to talk and to listen - to let things unfold.
I'm not sure that 'drink a case of wine' is the first thing that comes to mind when I think of standard marriage advice but I love that story because the two of them stayed together and this gorgeous song came out of it...
Other fun marriage advice I've heard includes "laugh a lot" and "fight naked"
I know I've said this before, but we don't have air conditioning. So the simple act of sitting on our couch in the evening, turns into actively hating the oppressiveness of all fabrics and the loathing the fact that ceiling fans create more noise than cool air (a worthless ratio).
In order to fight against complaining too much, I relish in the few things that work for me. For example, I love our ice maker so much sometimes I thank it out loud for its fine service. And since there's no difference between indoors and out, save for a soft breeze, I find I'm venturing more than ever.
This weekend we are embracing the heat by grilling, picnicing, lazying by a river, camping in a tent, and picnicing (again)... consider it a staring contest with mid-July. We still actively hate fabrics but we will not back down!
Here's a picture of us camping two years ago, I'm displaying my best 'beat the heat' resolve
My other favorite way to stare down summer: watch old school rap videos. You know the kind - when a few people start off in bouncy cars, or motorcycles, or some cool vehicle, and then end up at a shindig picnic, or on basketball courts, or chillin with the whole neighborhood on a stoop. There's always group games and short shorts and up-shot camera angels and people sitting on hoods of cars.
There is ALWAYS good music, and its always wonderfully, visibly, sticky hot. It makes me say "Hell yea! Dr. Dre doesn't need air conditioning, neither do I."
and its about time this corn hole assistant was invented (I just need to know if there's a parking lot converter for tailgates)
A throwback of Zealots (for my husband) "you can try but you can't divide the tribe"... sorry team but Lauryn crushes it, the writing was on the wall with this one.
I used to feel that way even before I was concussed. I would hurry and pack (leaving a tornado wake of clothes behind) and fill my trips with a bunch of fun activities, then come home with laundry and travel fatigue and a mess to deal with.
Now its enhanced even more because I just can't do all those days of conversation, thinking, and interaction (on top of the usual vacation fun activities). My travel fatigue is exponentially greater.
I don't want to imply that I had a bad time. I had a wonderful trip! My enjoyment of family never wore thin, but by the end of the week, it was nearly impossible for me to interact with strangers. I couldn't be in clamoring coffee shops and I thought mean things at the slow walking families.
And when everyone wanted to do a wine tasting, I realized the thought of responding to a sommelier about 'how long we're in town' or 'if we can detect the subtle hickory notes' might push me towards aggression. (it wasn't far from this scene in Bottle Rocket when Anthony explains why he went into a mental institution. which is not necessarily comforting)
So I'm taking all morning to say nothing and do nothing and rest from my relaxing vacation.
(that sounds spoiled, I know, but I'm saying it anyway)
Here is a nice soothing song for my kind of concussion recovery day (I've got to take it slow):
Here is an image of the beaches in Michigan (yes Michigan) that I will close my eyes think about.
For our six month dating anniversary with Neil, I got a case of sparklers.
It was April
I was thrilled.
(just imagine how I am when they are holiday appropriate)
Old Movies
The quaint movie theater in my hometown is wonderful. It boasts the fact that its the only single screen theater in all of pittsburgh. It has the old time movie feel with enough upgrades to be comfortable.
Every Friday and Saturday this summer they show old movies at 10 pm and I'm really into it!
(especially The Jerk, Ghostbusters, The Big Lebowski, and Back to the Future II)
Greens!
Our CSA is wonderful so far. I'm learning to cook with a bunch of new things and I'm consuming so many greens. The best thing about eating a lot of greens - you just want more.
I think I'm turning into a rabbit.
This chopped salad from smitten kitchen cools me down just by looking at it.
Dark Knight Rises
Where do I start here?
Its a super hero movie. Its filmed in Pittsburgh. Joseph Gordon-Levitt. The whispers that Batman dies in this one. Cameos with Hines Ward and Mayor Ravenstahl.
I don't know which of these things I love most.
p.s. I already saw Spider Man and it was really good!
Olympics
Some people are olympics crazy and that's not me.
I'm olympics pretty happy. I watch with mild interest and I enjoy it.
I think I'm just too fatigued from all the other sports I passionately love all year round put a lot into shuffle board and water polo every four years.
But you can bet I'll watch me some more basketball.
Oh yes, its July 24th and its a holiday I will fully embrace because my cousins are the best.
We have a Cousin's Camping Weekend this month because we're all so in love.
We're custom making tank-tops.
As a group, the line from cousin to sibling is so blurry which makes 7/24 is a great day....
also its my mom's birthday!
What are you looking forward to in July? What is your favorite Olympic event? Are you going to watch Dark Knight the day it opens (if so don't ruin it for me)? Do you know any great summer salad recipes that can satisfy my insatiable need to eat leaves?
And I'll leave you with the perfectly topical song from the Decemberists...
I saw them play it live with the Chicago Symphony Orchestra one July, several years ago.
I will close my eyes and put myself back on the grass of Millennium Park right now as I listen.
I have some random monday morning links to go along with my random thoughts...
Is there any good summer TV? I find myself missing "Girls" and almost caring that Jessa is pregnant in real life. I also think "American Ninja Warrior" looks more appealing by the day.
And now I have only one sport to watch... and Its not the one that makes me happiest. So I'm spending my days playing around sites that discuss basketball. Like this probable Deng trade that would break my heart into a million pieces. Or this awesome break down of James' headband change/hair loss over time.
On vacation I did a lot of coloring and my pages looked really good (I'm talking good enough to replace your niece's christmas photo card on the fridge). So its obvious a grown up line of coloring books would just make sense. My choice would be the Bull Murray Coloring book, no contest.
My friend Sara turned me onto the new Edward Sharpe song ("That's What's Up") and now I really can't get enough of it. Its the song I keep on repeat in my car these days. I liked the beat the first time through and now its the lyrics that stole my heart. That's how it usually is with me - the lyrics are what seal the deal.
If there were ever ever ever a reason to apply sun screen daily - this is it. I'm so haunted by this image. He was a truck driver for 29 years, leaving the left side of his face is considerably more aged. I don't want to look but I can't look away. And then I look away only long enough to apply some spf 50
I don't know if this is amazing good or amazing so crazy. This woman is running 52 marathons in 52 weeks.
I think Steve Martin will always be the bees knees (and Judd Apatow isn't too bad either).
Enjoy your monday, where ever you may be on this world wide web.
It chronicles the music and political atmosphere of 1970.
While I (rather obviously) didn't grow up during that era - I find I'm happily pulled into its orbit. I love all of those bands and I feel foolish for not knowing how each of them existed at the same time the others did... better yet, how they all knew each other (sometimes in the biblical sense).
Growing up with a generation of hard core rock and rollers wearing their addictions and wild parties on their sleeves - it was shocking to know that the mild, strumming James Taylor was addicted to heroine and spent time in a mental institution. (what a different dimension that gives to his songs!)
And how is it such easy going gentlemen like Paul and Art couldn't get along?!?
So I'm remembering songs I love and seeing them through a whole new lens. I'm constantly saying "wow, I had no idea...." and I'm listening to a lot of classics.
Now, to kick off your weekend right I'm going to post some of them for you:
My favorite Beatles...
Golden Slumbers
Don't tell Mt Sinai Hospital, but I would sing the face of this song when I was alone in the newborn nursery with the babies.
My favorite James Taylor...
Mexico
It feels like summer and makes me want a lounge chair and a margarita. I will actively ignore that I almost died the one and only time I've been to Mexico, making it my less than ideal vacation spot.
Yes, I'll stick with the margarita image.
My favorite Simon and Garfunkel...
Only Living Boy in New York
I had no idea this song was written by Paul when he was angry at Art for leaving the country to film "Catch 22" in Mexico instead of making music for Simon and Garfunkel. Here's a tip, if you ever want to get over a fight with a friend don't put all your woes into a hit song, make them sing harmony, then have them rehash it on stage for decades to come.
Or should I just say, thank you for the lovely song, sorry you two didn't last.
My Favorite Bob Dylan...
Girl from North Country
The voice is a bit out of sync on this clip but I love seeing them live. And I love the bitter sweetness of these lyrics. It the nicest break-up song I know. Its just a well wishing and fondness for something that has passed.
What is your favorite music from that era? Your favorite Zeppelin (I almost walked down the isle to "All of My Love")? Your favorite Clapton? Stones? Mitchell? CSNY? Right on, friends. Lets take it back.
And on repeat, was this uplifting song "can I sail through the changing ocean tides? can I handle the seasons of my life?"
(so maybe "uplifting" isn't the word but I shouldn't have to put adjectives on Stevie Nicks. she just is.)
I rounded out the day by talking to some friends and family that I love very much - that love me very much. And they cast a bright light on my day.
Which makes them my real life mug-full of super heros.
Hooray for June!
Here are some of the so many things I'm looking forward to this month:
front porch dining
Now its warm enough to have picnics and romantic dinners on our porch.
Last night Neil took me out there for a nice seafood dinner (he said he'd call me again)
A girl could get used to being wined and dined like this!
fire escape cocktails
We don't use our wrought iron stoop nearly enough,
now that its nice we plan to sit and sip and talk the evening away
here is a great article about making simple 3 ingredient summer cocktail drinks
back yard parties
My mom's back yard is less than 20 minutes away and looks like Tuscany
our first CSA
I love our farmer's market, so it is with reluctance that we switched over to CSA (community supported agriculture). We went with Clarion River Organics which is amazing enough to do affordable half shares and to drop off at our church. Our first weekly pick up is this sunday - we'll see if its as satisfying as walking the isles of the market and choosing for ourselves.
I suspect it will be - like a fruit and vegetable christmas present every week.
around the world in 80 plates
This new Bravo tv show combines all the greatest parts of my favorite reality shows:
It's a bunch of chefs going to a new country every episode, following clues (amazing race)
Then they take over a restaurant and compete as teams (hell's kitchen)
Then they are judged on their native cuisine dishes and voted off (top chef)
sold and sold
running in delaware
We will have a short trip to Wilmington to participate in a race we truly believe in:
(don't worry you'll get the full updates on our 8th US race as we go)
a week at the beach
All through my mom's growing up, they went to Stone Harbor NJ
All through my growing up, we went to Stone Harbor NJ
This is Neil's first time there and I can't wait for him to see, eat, and adore all things SH
what is the what
Neil and I both read and loved the book "Zeitoun" by Dave Eggers
When we go to the beach we want to read another book he penned, "What is the What", the true story of a Sudanese refugee that ends up in America.
Because nothing says relaxing holiday like the biography of a child soldier. (?)
a wedding on a farm
We will be driving out to Goshen, Indiana this month for an idyllic outdoor wedding.
We'll get to see friends from Chicago, Denver, and beyond! I can't wait!
Plus its a union of two amazing people (whose powers combined can only do great things)
Just to give you an idea of how great: their RSVP card was a MAD LIBS game.
Father's Day
We don't have any set plans yet - but this is such a wonderful day.
I think I grow more and more appreciative of fathers (step fathers, fathers in law, etc) with each year.
Do you have any fun traditions?
throwback music
There are a lot of album releases this month from people of my high school days...
Fiona Apple, Linkin Park, Maroon 5, Blues Travelers, and Smashing Pumpkins
As I write these names, I realize I'm really only looking forward hearing one of them.
(hint: if the lead singer isn't ultra bald, I find myself just saying "huh")
iced coffee
With the heat index rising, Its officially time to make the switch over.
This recipe for iced coffee seems unnecessarily complex (isn't it just supposed to be ice and coffee?), but Ree has never steered me wrong before so I'll give it a try.
P.S. having an ice maker in my fridge is a first world luxury I thank the Lord for twice daily
louie
Season 3 of Louis CK's show premiers June 28th
His comedy is so unique and clever - some of the best writing on television.
I think the best way to describe it: when so much 'reality' tv feels scripted, this is scripted tv that feels real. He splices in short stand-up bits and he's not afraid to touch on forbidden topics.
FX gave him full reign to do anything and I can't wait to see what Season 3 looks like.
(warning: he curses. also he prods. his episodes incite discussion.)
So what makes your heart shine happy this coming month? Do you have any beach reads you could recommend (preferably without genocide)? Are you going on any trips? Do you have any fun ways to stay-cation?
And if you don't answer, I hope its because you're soaking in the early summer rays! Happy Weekend!
here are some fun songs from that decade - or almost that decade - to get you going. You know, in case you're like me and you need some 'get going' today.
And just in case you were wondering how my night went - I was told I looked just like Molly Ringwald. THE eighties sweetheart, that Molly Ringwald!! So it was pretty much everything I could hope for and more!
I have to go now and throw these jams on my casio. (its the perfect background to my Jane Fonda VHS workout)
So cheesy, but oh man, its like I can't get enough Puritan jokes - especially this month because Neil and I are headed to Providence, Rhode Island!!! (founded by my favorite early American, Roger Williams! thats whats up)
Other things I'm looking forward to this month:
Biggest Loser Finale
Don't tell me who won! We recorded and we're watching next week.
A dedicated group of ladies are making it into the BL Workout
We have to do a burpee every time they say this season's theme "No Excuses"
We pause the TV to guess each contestant's final weight, then subtracting the difference of our guess from the actual we get the number of crunches or jumping jacks to be done
Someone cries - do a push up
...and so much more
(Please don't think us insensitive - We also watch because its an inspiring show and we are encouraged by the contestants - having actually cried while watching many seasons -
and I love nothing than the moment at the end of each episode when they drop their pants)
Knickerbockers
With an attitude of: I can't even begin discuss what happened to the Bulls last night, I'm looking for distractions. The Knicks seem to be putting on the right kind of show.
I'm looking forward to watching this series now that Stoudemire is out.
Throughout the season, they've only played worse (statistically speaking) with him on the court.
The complaint was that Amare didn't play defense, so instead he went and got real offensive.
I think Carmelo will shine with out him. I'm not saying that they can take the series after a 2-0 defecit, but I am saying I think it could get interesting.
Punch a box o glass Folks, we could have a series!
80s Prom Night
I don't need more than those three words to explain why I'm so excited.
Except maybe these three words:
purple tights. aquanet.
Didn't Die Day
May 15th is becoming my favorite holiday of the year...my non-death-aversary
This could be because I'm getting more and more macabre as time passes.
I use this day to reflect on where I am, and how far I've come.
I use this day to celebrate.
On this blog, I'll probably rehash all of it so be ready.
Mother's Day
We always join up to run the Race for the Cure in the morning.
Then he goes with his mom to a Pirate game while I go with my mom on less noble ventures...
to cook some pasta dish and onDemand a low quality rom com
One of us gets Andrew McCutchen, the other gets Josh Duhamel
(both options pretty fantastic because our mom's are the best)
Asparagus
This vegetable is the first thing that says to me winter is so over!
Its what makes me so delighted in the idea of the coming weeks at farmer's markets.
I eat so much of it I get sick. (I will avoid talk of my pee) Then just as I feel I can take no more, it disappears from the crates for another year and I miss it again.
