Neil has returned to work at the office this week (he had been working from home so far), which has nudged me out of the nest and back into the world of posting!
I still might be very slow to respond to emails, facebook messages, thank you notes, and such but I'm getting there (too much time sitting upright and focusing can be difficult).
I will let you know the bullet points of how things are progressing soon. **Spoiler Alert: they are progressing very well**
For now I will take on the immense task of trying to say, in my own words, thank you.
[well, now, I'm already crying a bit which means this won't be easy]
For years I endured pain and I did it on what felt like my own strength. Granted I've had prayers and faith. I've had a fantastic husband. I've had great support. But I was on something of an island with what I had to feel and it was okay. I could manage.
Even leading up to and right after the surgery - things were very very difficult. But I was enduring. I was supremely grateful and deeply appreciative of all the love... but it was mainly me getting through the pain.
Then we came home from the hospital, and for some reason I thought each day was supposed to be better and better. Instead, I felt worse. In hindsight, it wasn't a huge deal that they reduced my medications upon discharge - I've dealt with much worse, physically - but it ended up being so hard. I think it was that no one told me it was going to happen. I was blindsided. So maybe the inability to brace myself, or maybe just because I was due, it wiped me out mentally and emotionally (even more than physically). It was a really rough period...
And every single day the comments came pouring in. And every single day cards were spilling out of our mail box. And kind texts would show up on my phone. I would cry and cry and ask Neil to read me the notes yet again. Right when I would start to believe that I'm too tired, this has all been too hard someone would write to me to say "I think you are strong."
So I don't know how to really express a Thank You for your support. We've been saying "thank you for your kind words and your support" in most of our posts and that might start to just read as a polite addendum, but its so much more. I hit a point when my reserve tank was empty and I didn't think I could get by, and I went from appreciating your words to needing your words, because "me" wasn't nearly enough.
I've been quiet for a while - resting and quiet - so I wish I could have expressed this sooner. Things are vastly improved since getting home from the hospital and really really getting measurably better each day. My mental and emotional pillars feel strong again and when I start cry as I open my mail these days, its because I feel so overwhelmingly blessed, not because I feel so overwhelmed.
from my full heart I say to you truly
Thank You for your kind words and support,
it has meant the world to me.