This is one is called topiramate. I was on it before and I'm trying it out again, so you'd think I would know what to expect. You'd think I would be prepared.
As I build the dosages I'm more sensitive to the side effects - which for me include - rapid heart rate, numbness in hands and feet, swings in emotion, and losing weight.... and crying. all the time. even when I'm not sad at all.
So here is a sampling of recent tear inducing moments (it's not comprehensive - that would be just embarrassing)
~ Seeing the Folders commercial when the son comes home for Christmas
~ Buying a gift at the apple store and finding it ten dollars cheaper at Target, then standing in the electronics isle at Target trying to decide if it's worth ten dollars to go back to apple and make the return
~ Getting oil based paint because its cheaper. Then trying to wash my hands and seeing that they still look like this...
~ Giving a gift
~ Wrapping presents with only double sided tape
~ Getting a thoughtful gift
~ Getting a gift I don't think I'll use and would like to return
~ Reading a Berenstain Bears book
.... and so it continues.
It reminds me of the McSweeney's list "Places I've Cried or Places Ludacris Claims He Had Sex in His Song "What's Your Fantasy'" (I can claim at least four of those as well, and I'm not proud of it)
Thankfully last night I got to my max dosage. Now I should level out and adjust and hopefully get normal again.
This is great news for Neil because last night I also found out the restaurant we had planned to take his brothers' to was closed (you probably could guess my reaction). Through a current of tears I tried to tell him how much of a stud he is for putting up with all of this.... because even if I'm a lot crazy, I am at least a bit self aware.
Oh Emily... I'm so sorry you're going through all this. As a frequent crier - without medications to blame - I know it can be really embarrassing. If you ever want someone to talk to/cry with, let me know :)
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