Monday, May 21, 2012

Hope Springs

It feels a bit like eating my words to post something, but last week Neil bought me a book - threatening to collapse my whole new years resolutions (which I take seriously). My evil genus husband said "well if you quit blogging, you quit your resolutions, which means I can buy you books now." I'm not one to back down - so here is my next post.
dare re-accepted, i guess.

There is something strange about sharing how you feel - because emotions shift and change, but once words are put out there they become fixed and unmoving.

Last week was very difficult and everything I said was very true but it also had good parts. Now I feel bad just venting the stresses and dropping off the grid, as if that's the final word.

proof of the goodness: some candle lit 'didn't die' romance 

And while I was having a hard time verbalizing my frustrations with blogging - Neil put it well by saying 'we know this is your hobby not your career.'

My problem is that the hobby column of my life is full (running, reading, cooking, etc) and the career column is glaringly empty. Undue attention paid to my hobbies during that one little week felt strange and painful and so I vented.

I mostly feel bad for the well meaning people in my life. I am raw these days and a comment or compliment can touch nerves that no one even knows exist. Does that ever happen to you?

I mentioned that good things happened last week. I had several appointments that gave me new hope for the coming year. One of the appointments was at the UPMC Pain Clinic with a psychologist that specializes in talking with people who have chronic pain.

If I wasn't sure that everyone could benefit from talking to someone - now I'm convinced. And she is a perfect fit. Here are two things she said to me in that first meeting....

"I'm going to ask you this once and never again because I hate this question. Sorry, I have to ask this. I think it's a terrible gauge because pain is subjective and its a perception and you are probably so sick of it but, on a scale of 1 to 10..."

and

"I really like working with metaphors and mental pictures, I hope that's not cheesy for you."

.... thats Jenna, my new best friend.

Its like she already knows me. And now that I have her, maybe I won't need to work things out on a public forum with you folks. (can I get an amen?!)

p.s. Thank you for all of your love and encouragement on my didn't die day. I'm very grateful that I'm still hanging around this world with you lovely people!

7 comments:

  1. Yay Neil! And welcome back. I'm not being overdramatic when I say that my world was missing a piece last week. e-orbin.blogspot.com has become a part of my daily routine. And I thrive on routine. :)

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    1. maybe it's time you got mad!!!

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  2. Lady, no need to recant on your last post... blog what you feel. That will change, & then what you post will change, & both are valid & wonderful & honest. Just like you. I love you lots & lots & lots, just in case you didn't know. ;-)

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  3. Glad you're not gone!! I love your blog and the way you write. I often want to vent as well. I get all cooped up in my own mind and I just wanna be let out or left alone. Hang in there! :)

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  4. "well if you quit blogging, you quit your resolutions..."

    Wow. Neil IS an evil genius. Look at him turning your own values on you like that. That's a James Bond, stroking-a-cat-on-your-lap kind of evil genius.

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  5. Hey Emma, it's Tricia. Glad you found a great fit with Jenna! I hope that turns into something that really helps. And though I'm new around this blog, I'd say that it's fairly...human to feel how you felt last week. It's ok to take a break if you need it too. Might even be healthy.

    Heck, my blog hasn't been very active of late...I think one needs to ride these things out in waves and there are also seasons where the motivation is stronger. I'm glad for your perspective and even when you think you shouldn't be venting. Thank you for sharing!

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