dare re-accepted, i guess.
There is something strange about sharing how you feel - because emotions shift and change, but once words are put out there they become fixed and unmoving.
Last week was very difficult and everything I said was very true but it also had good parts. Now I feel bad just venting the stresses and dropping off the grid, as if that's the final word.
proof of the goodness: some candle lit 'didn't die' romance
And while I was having a hard time verbalizing my frustrations with blogging - Neil put it well by saying 'we know this is your hobby not your career.'
My problem is that the hobby column of my life is full (running, reading, cooking, etc) and the career column is glaringly empty. Undue attention paid to my hobbies during that one little week felt strange and painful and so I vented.
I mostly feel bad for the well meaning people in my life. I am raw these days and a comment or compliment can touch nerves that no one even knows exist. Does that ever happen to you?
I mentioned that good things happened last week. I had several appointments that gave me new hope for the coming year. One of the appointments was at the UPMC Pain Clinic with a psychologist that specializes in talking with people who have chronic pain.
If I wasn't sure that everyone could benefit from talking to someone - now I'm convinced. And she is a perfect fit. Here are two things she said to me in that first meeting....
"I'm going to ask you this once and never again because I hate this question. Sorry, I have to ask this. I think it's a terrible gauge because pain is subjective and its a perception and you are probably so sick of it but, on a scale of 1 to 10..."
"I really like working with metaphors and mental pictures, I hope that's not cheesy for you."
.... thats Jenna, my new best friend.
Its like she already knows me. And now that I have her, maybe I won't need to work things out on a public forum with you folks. (can I get an amen?!)
p.s. Thank you for all of your love and encouragement on my didn't die day. I'm very grateful that I'm still hanging around this world with you lovely people!